By Steve Moran
My friend John Zeisel said this:
Experience shows that only true, effective advocates are labeled as unreasonable.
The reason they are called unreasonable is that those doing the labeling want the advocates to quit advocating.
Unfortunately, too often, calling them unreasonable is effective. The advocate backs off, and bad things continue to happen.
He offered me these powerful words as I was advocating to get better care for my stepfather while he was in senior living. I am 99% certain that from the community’s perspective, I was simply one of those horrible, never happy family members they all dread.
I confess that to some degree their tactic worked. I didn’t push as hard as I could have — not so much because they called me unreasonable to my face, but because by their actions, they demonstrated they didn’t care. They sent the message loud and clear that the quality of care we were receiving was the best we were going to get.
I Gave Up
I gave up, brought him home, where he is today and will probably stay until he passes, which seems to be coming sooner than we imagined.
Yet I wonder if I should have pushed harder — for the sake of my loved one, but not just him: for the sake of those other residents who deserved so much better.
Your Unreasonable Advocates
I know you have unreasonable advocates in each of your communities — family members, residents, friends who are thorns in your side. I am willing to admit that some of them, a few of them, really are unreasonable. But most of them are advocates who simply want you to be better for the sake of their loved one, for the sake of other residents and family members, for the sake of the world.
If you embrace them you will discover they can be your biggest fans, your biggest help. They can transform your community into something amazing and wonderful.
